For an Unknown Friend

Anger is my constant companion and my bedfellow
I have become frustration!
I look at myself in the mirror and recoil
What has become of that lively girl with the lovely hair?
Where is she gone?
What mockery is this?
This twisted tortured body is a mockery.

My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me!
I kneel, I pray, but why?
Are you intent that I should die?
Are you indeed content that I should die?

I am fear.
When I reach out for God it is fear who snatches at my hand
I will withdraw
Hold back from life
I will not face life
I cannot face life
I am safe with Fear
Fear is my Friend.
Fear understands me
I understand Fear.

Oh God help me!
I am lost
Hell has me, and Satan by the throat
There is no salvation
Oh God help me!

Be still
I love you and always will
Come take my hand
The pain you suffer now is only temporal
But you must learn
That body of yours that seemed so very important
Is not.
Your makeup and your curls were foolish
You are a part of my eternal plan
I tried to explain it to Man.
Some have understood and more will follow
Look up to the sky, and not in sorrow
I am here — ready and waiting.
I never foresook you
It was rather the other way around
Find truths that are sound
Trust me — above all trust me!
All that you seek is here and waiting you.
Clasp me. Take hold and run
Bold in new confidence of me
You must fulfil my work allotted you
It is not time for you to pass thru’ death
Shine on little star
Prove to a weary world your constancy
Really believe in me!

by Lorna Bain — December 29th, 1985