Saga of the Playtex Girdle "Perfect Control"

Carolyn — beautiful — nervous and eighteen
Invited out by college boy
Mature — articulate and suave
Borrows her sister’s clothes —
All of them — the sweater and the skirt
Right down to the girdle underneath
Now this is 1959
And girdles must be worn
They make you flat! No bottom and no tum!
Nothing — between bust and high-heeled, crippling shoes.

Carolyn emerges
Fate imposes
There she is — sitting in his car
Keen to impress
But how can she pass the test?
The girdle has rushed on sitting to her waist!
Her face all red
Her fragile confidence all gone
A sausage skin gone wrong.

Carolyn arrives!
A hasty exit to the john
Quick, frantic work — and agony is gone.
A tiny purse holds the offending item
Thank God, accept the curves
She can breathe again.
But not for long.
Sitting there making polite conversation
The deadly — awful thing appears again
The clasp unable to contain this monstrosity
Has given up the unequal struggle
And ejected it upon the floor
Before the assembled group.

Silence is next
Silence, that lasts forever for poor Carolyn
And then a titter
Then an outright laugh
Oh true relief at last!
Carolyn laughs too!
Dear Carolyn has released everyone else’s
All their fears and their apprehension
She has provided light relief
Tension is gone —
The thief — not knowing how to act
How to react
Is robbed of his power
A simple — honest girl
has shown just how!

by Lorna Bain — December 29th, 1985